Playtesting
by MilliaR
Summary: RED Engineer and BLU Spy are enemies, but they have one thing in common: curiosity. When they are forced to spend one evening together, they decide to experiment. Warning: slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's notes: **I've noticed that_ A LOT_ of TF2 fics are about one mercenary kidnapping and/or raping another mercenary. Therefore, I decided to write a rape-free subversion/parody of that kind of story. Chapter One has mild sexual content, Chapter Two will be consensual PWP.

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He could feel cool air on his skin. Unconsciously, he reached out to pull the sheets over his chest, but nothing happened. He moaned and started to wake, now actively trying to move his arms, and found them stuck. Finally, he groggily opened his eyes, took a glance, and widened them in alarm.

Over the course of his long and successful career, Spy had occasionally made mistakes. This wasn't the first time he had been captured by the enemy, and if he survived, it may not be the last. Even so, finding himself tied to a bed in a strange room was quite unsettling, and the fact that he had been stripped down to his underwear and was covered in blood didn't help his mood any. At least rubbing his face against the pillow confirmed that he was still wearing his mask… Silver lining. Right now he could use every little encouragement.

The stains of blood on his briefs made him skip a beat, but he could feel no pain whatsoever and he could move his pelvis well enough, so he had to assume that his equipment was unharmed, as was the rest of his body. A pile of bloody rags that had once been an expensive blue suit was sitting on the floor next to the bed, beside what looked like a modified Dispenser, and he wondered just what the hell had happened to him. The buildings and tools and blueprints in the room made it obvious that he was in the RED Engineer's workshop, but he couldn't remember how he got there.

He tested his bonds, but as he suspected they held fast. His wrists were tied tightly above his head and against the headboard, and his sock-covered ankles were tied together. Sighing, he sank down and tried to relax, he needed a clear head to get out of this mess. But he was confused… Not only was his memory of recent events a total blur, but the current situation also made little sense to him.

He was fairly sure he hadn't been infiltrating the enemy base that day. They had been fighting over the control points at the Badlands, but his Team had been on the losing side (it happens, of course, you win some lose some), and so he had stuck around the bridge trying to clear the way for his teammates. Then… then what? He didn't have a clue. But the implication seemed to be that he had been taken while fighting outside. They hadn't just knocked him out while he was sneaking around their turf and then decide to keep him there, they outright _kidnapped_ him. And that was _unlike_ the enemy Team. They had always been playing fair (enough), for them to suddenly resort to kidnapping seemed pretty out of character.

Then again, it _was_ a war, albeit an extraordinarily abnormal one. So they finally decided to get dirty, he shouldn't be surprised, he should have seen it coming.

Still, why was he covered in blood? Surely they hadn't tortured him while he was unconscious, that would have been pointless. And if they planned on torturing him to get intel out of him, why was he tied to a comfortable bed with nice sheets and a soft pillow? Were they playing mind games?

It had been over a decade since the last time he was tortured. Did he still have it in him to resist the agony? Only one way to find out. Hopefully the only words leaving his lips would be his usual witty and underappreciated taunts. It would be bad for business if his employer learned that he had failed to keep Company secrets.

And besides, he really didn't want to betray his Team. For some reason, his annoying teammates seemed to have grown to actually trust him. For some reason, he didn't want to lose that.

His pondering was cut short when he heard the sound of incoming footsteps. The door swung open, and there was the enemy Engineer, wearing a scowl and carrying a basin of water with a towel.

_Waterboarding!_

Anger flooded his thought. He _hated_ waterboarding. His very high pain tolerance meant little when his mind was forcibly overwhelmed by sheer, uncontrollable terror. He still refused to break, of course, he always refused to break no matter what torments they put him through. But the _humiliation! _Watching his captors laugh at him, mock him as the famous and feared Spy shook wildly and fought desperately to hold back sobs, all because of a little water!

The memories made him snarl, and he sent the Engineer the darkest, most scorn-filled glare humanly possible. The Texan's scowl deepened, sending a clear 'don't fuck with me' message. But the Spy was well beyond caring.

"All alone, Laborer? Not even your little friend the mumbling abomination to watch your back? Brass balls! I'm truly impressed by your willingness to take on an immobilized opponent by yourself! If only you ever showed half this fortitude on the battlefield."

The RED closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if to calm himself, then quickly crossed the distance between himself and the bed and in one fell swoop threw the content of the basin all over his prisoner. While the drenched agent sputtered in shock, the Engineer glowered at him.

"You little ungrateful bastard. I knew I shoulda left you out there to bleed out like a pig. I should kill ya here and now before this turns into The Farmer And The Viper."

Spy was so baffled, for once he was at a loss for words. He tried to muster as much dignity as a wet, semi-naked, tied-up man could, and spoke in a carefully neutral tone.

"What do you mean? The last thing I remember is running around the battlefield while you REDs were giving my Team a hard time. Then I woke up here, with a lot less clothes and lot more bondage. If you have an explanation that doesn't involve you somehow capturing me, I'd like to hear it."

He was answered with a snort. Well, it seemed like the Laborer had gone from angry back to annoyed. Progress.

"Your Team lost. After dinner I went out again to collect metal, and found ya in a pool of your own blood. It looked like there had been an explosion, probably a stray rocket, I doubt Sarge or Demo wouldn'ta finished the job. You were in a shadowy recess, and you spend half your time invisible anyway, so my guess is your guys didn't notice you were gone. You already had both feet in the grave, and as we all know Respawn is turned off after battle. No way in heck was I gonna knock on the door of the BLU base, and my Doc woulda probably used you as a literal rat. So I did an extremely stupid thing and carried you here to heal you."

As he listened to the story, the Spy was caught between (carefully concealed) relief and embarrassment. It was good to learn that he hadn't been kidnapped and that he probably wouldn't be harmed, but owing his life to an enemy was very humiliating. On the bright side, the Engineer's teammates would never let him live it down if they knew that he saved the enemy Spy's life, so the BLU was sure he would keep quiet about it.

"So, I take it the water was meant to clean up the blood?"

"Aren't ya a smart little scoundrel."

"And you are going to let me go?"

"In a few hours. I don't want the others to see ya, and since y'all are so smart I'm sure you don't either. It was sheer luck nobody saw me carryin' your sorry ass inside, I ain't relyin' on luck again. And I'm _so_ not gonna let an enemy Spy sneak around my base invisible. So we'll wait until everybody has gone to sleep, then I'll escort ya to the exit, and so long, please don't keep in touch."

Spy let that sink in for a moment before a very serious concern hit him.

"Wait. My suit is a mess of bloody tatters now. You can't seriously expect me to walk all the way back to my base in my underwear!"

"Who cares? I've already seen ya like that, and you can turn invisible after you get out of here."

"It's the principle of the thing!"

"Oh, for the love of- _fine!_ I'll give you some of my clothes. Happy?"

"_OVERALLS!?_" Spy all but screeched, his features contorting in horror.

"What's wrong with overalls?"

"'_What's wrong with overalls'!?_ Mon Dieu! What's wrong with falling down the horrible tree, hitting all the horrible branches, smashing into the horrible ground, rolling down the horrible hill, bumping on all the horrible rocks, tumbling along the horrible field, and ending face-first into the pile of horrible manure!"

"OVERALLS ARE A CLASSIC!"

"OVERALLS PUT THE 'ASS' IN 'CLASSIC'!"

"Look, buddy, you'll wear overalls and you'll like it! _And that's final!_"

Spy held back a whine of anguish. It was useless. Not only was the Texan's mercy as lacking as his taste, but he probably didn't _have _any decent clothes. Just like his own Team's Engineer, Spy had never seen the man in anything but overalls. Such a shame, the BLU Engineer was a handsome man, he would be quite attractive if only he cared to dress up a little.

Sighing, the BLU settled down. He figured he might as well try and make the next few hours as bearable as possible.

"Can you at least untie me now?"

"No."

"I'm unarmed."

"No."

"You are stronger than me. And this is off hours, why would I attack you when I'm not getting paid to do so?"

"No."

"This is a really uncomfortable position. My arms are starting to hurt."

"Put up with it."

"What an inconsiderate host I got stuck with."

"I. Saved. Your. Life." The Texan stated in a dangerously calm tone. "And now I have to make sure that you don't repay me by bashin' me and murderin' my friends in their sleep. Your arms hurt? You'd be _dead_ if it weren't for me. So be a good boy, shut your trap up and wait a few goddamn hours."

_Or else._ The underlying threat in those words didn't escape the Frenchman. But worse than that, Spy had to admit, at least to himself, that the Laborer was right. It was a bothersome thought, made worse by the fact the he could do nothing but think at the moment.

"Well," he relented after a while, "I suppose that I should thank you."

"Yeah, you should."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well?"

"Then again, you did undress me, restrain me and throw a basin of water at me. _And the overalls…_"

The Engineer made a really funny face, all red and puffy and murderous. Spy hadn't meant to upset his abominably-dressed saviour, really. He did want to get out of there in one piece, and he actually (if grudgingly) felt some gratitude to the RED for saving him. But he was being put through a lot of stress! He couldn't be blamed for calling it like it was. The Laborer just needed to grow a thicker skin.

Then, unexpectedly, the man in question seemed to do just that. He relaxed, looked at his prisoner with a cool, purposeful expression, and smiled.

It was one of the fucking creepiest smiles Spy had ever seen.

"You know what, Spah? I'm gonna take my own reward for the monumental effort of keepin' myself from smashin' your face in."

"Wait! What are you doing? Don't touch that!"

The Texan gleefully ignored all of Spy's protests and collected the agent's tools that were sitting on a small desk. Tinkering with Mann Co. merchandise was against the rules, and breaking Mann Co. rules meant drawing the ire of Saxton Hale! While both the RED and the BLU Engineer eagerly embraced ridiculously self-damaging or even downright suicidal ventures in the name of scientific curiosity, they tended to exercise a lot more self-restraint when the safety of others was concerned; thus, they never messed with their Spy's gadgets. The madmen who happily sawed their own arm off to replace it with deadly contraptions drew the line at getting a teammate on Hale's hit list.

But of course, BLU Spy was not RED Engineer's teammate. _Oh merde._

"What the hell do you think you are doing!? You can't do that!"

"Now, now, Spah, y'all need to relax some. Take deep breaths. All that frettin' can't be good for your health." The fucker was taking apart the disguise kit and grinning like a kid in a toy store.

"And I suppose pissing off Saxton Hale won't be bad for my health!? Or yours, for that matter?"

"What Saxton Hale doesn't know can't hurt us. I for one won't tell him. So if ya can keep quiet for once, we'll be fine." Still grinning. He was really enjoying that.

"You know as well as I do that Hale has an almost supernatural intelligence gathering network."

"We'll just have to hope he doesn't find out, then." The grin got wider and wider as the secret technology was laid bare before his eyes. The kid in the toy store was gone, replaced by a lustful lover gazing at the naked form of his paramour. There would be no reasoning with him, it was a lost cause.

The Frenchman grumbled and sunk down. Just a few more hours. This frustrating and reckless trial would be over soon. The Engineer was crazy but he wasn't stupid, he'd take every precaution to hide his transgression from Mann Co. and with some luck neither of them would suffer any consequences for it. Spy hoped.

Minutes passed by, slow and wearing, the silence broken only by the sounds of fiddling and prying and the occasional murmur of appreciation. Finally, after what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than two hours, the Engineer put the disguise kit back together, stretched out and stood up.

The Frenchman expected him to start working on the invisibility watch next. He did _not_ expect him to start stripping.

"What on Earth are you doing?"

"Hum? Studyin', of course."

"Naked."

"Look at yourself, buddy."

"_Why_ are you taking off your clothes?"

"I told ya, I'm studyin'. This kit of yours can copy a person's appearance so accurately, I wanna see just how really accurate it can get."

With that, the Texan stepped out of his pants and, left with only his briefs on, went to fetch a large mirror.

Spy stared. Normally, he was as far from bashful and awkward as it's humanly possible to be, had enviable confidence and near flawless self-control. But the stress and fatigue of the current circumstances had worn him down more than he had realized, and he could feel his collected demeanor slip through the cracks.

The Engineer had a wonderful body. Short, but exquisitely built. Running around carrying heavy loads all day had earned him a fine set of rock-hard muscles, covered by a layer of deceptively soft flesh that smoothed out the angles and granted an impression of clean-cut elegance, while hairs on his broad chest, his powerful arms, his solid legs, completed the picture of very attractive manliness.

Spy fidgeted nervously. The last thing he wanted was the enemy discovering his fondness for handsome men. It was the kind of secret that could destroy a life. Truth be told, the Frenchman was far safer from backlash than most: highly-trained and experienced spies were scarce, so his employers probably couldn't afford to fire him; he was a deadly assassin, so he was more than capable of self-defence against bashers; and his teammates were a bunch of idiots, but they did have a bond of sorts, so he was almost certain that they wouldn't turn on him. But even so, if the secret got out it would seriously damage his reputation.

It was a relief when the Texan put on a disguise: BLU Spy's very own form. As vain as Spy was, he wasn't going to get excited over his own body.

"Look at that! It really works!"

The Engineer was staring back and forth between his prisoner's supine body and the reflection in the mirror, looking like he was barely refraining from rubbing his hands in glee. Indeed, the disguise kit had worked its magic with perfect accuracy: not only was it able to copy a person's clothed likeness, but it could also copy what was underneath the clothes down to the last detail. Shape of muscles and fat and bones, skin tone, hairs, scars, birthmarks, moles, even piercings and tattoos... It perfectly recreated the picture of whomever was selected as the disguise.

Almost the whole picture. Thankfully, it couldn't show the Spy's face. It was a safeguard to prevent the kit from being abused to discover secret identities, the image of people who wore masks always appeared with the mask on.

Despite wanting to take his mind out of the gutter, Spy couldn't help but feel peeved: the other man was staring at his nearly-naked body with such fervent interest, such _passion_, yet none of it was for the body itself. The RED was simply appreciating the technology.

Of course, the Laborer was heterosexual. But damn it! At least Spy was made of warm flesh! How could that hick find cold metal more alluring? Being ignored in favour of a woman was one thing, but for a _machine?_ Heterosexual or not, that was downright insulting!

"You seem quite pleased, _monsieur._ I would be pleased, too, if I looked like a swine and got to cover that up for once!"

The Texan stopped grinning. He turned to look at Spy, _really _look at him now, and Spy decided that any upcoming beating was totally worth it.

"What did you say, boy?"

"Ugly _and_ deaf? How pitiful. I said 'I would be pleased, too, if I looked like a swine and got to cover that up for once'. Because you look like a swine. A fat one."

The Engineer calmly took off the disguise, much to the BLU's secret frustration, then looked at him straight in the eyes.

"I wonder if you have one of them death-faking watches hidden up your ass. It's like you _want_ me to break you in half."

As he spoke, the man advanced towards his helpless prisoner, the Gunslinger looming ominously. It was obvious that Spy was in for a world of pain, worst case scenario the American would kill him. Even so, the agent refused to back down, there was no way in hell he would apologize or beg for mercy. And besides, fear and pain were excellent remedies for lust.

"Oh, I'm _sooooo _scared! Do your worst, Laborer, I need a good laugh," he sneered.

"You've been a real terrible guest, mister. Ungrateful, rude and nasty as a pox. Enough is enough. I reckon it's about darn time someone taught you some manners."

Spy's body went taut in anticipation for the blows to come, but instead of metal tearing through flesh and crushing bones, he felt the Engineer reach for the bonds on his wrists. Next thing he knew he was flipped belly-down onto the man's lap, the Engineer having sat down on the bed, and his underwear was pulled down roughly.

~spank~

"_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?"_

~spank~

"_ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?"_

~spank~

"_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"_

"Eheheheh. Take it like a man, shorty!"

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

_Oh no! Oh no! **Oh no!**_

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

Struggling was useless. His wrists and ankles were still tied together, the Engineer was stronger, and he was in a very precarious position. But he had to do something! If this went on…

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

One strong hand holding him, the other slapping his firm flesh. His own body naked, his captor's wearing only a pair of briefs, the thin layer of cotton doing very little to hide the feel of that cock so close to his own. Friction and heat filled his senses, bringing about waves of excitement and pleasure. _He had to stop it!_ If this went on…!

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

Spy desperately tried to think of the most repulsive subjects. Soldier picking his nose! Scout leaving his dirty socks on the kitchen counter! That time he was forced to flee through the sewers!

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

The Administrator in a bikini! Heavy in a bikini! Jarate!

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spank~

_**OhnonononoNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOON!**_

~spank~ ~spank~ ~spa-_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH~_

"…"

"…"

For a few seconds that felt like an eternity, both men were completely still, one frozen in humiliated horror, the other in shock. The Engineer was the first to recover, shoving Spy off of him as if the agent had been on fire.

"What in tarnation…?"

"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME ME! THIS IS ALL _YOUR_ FAULT!"

"I… I didn't…"

The Texan couldn't take his eyes off of Spy's crotch. Standing tall and proud, La Petite Tour Eiffel looked like it could cut diamonds.

"What's that?"

"It's called an erection, my illiterate friend," Spy spat with vicious sarcasm. "And pull up your jaw, you look ridiculous!"

The RED quickly composed himself, stood up and walked back to the safer distance of his desk.

"Shoot, son. You always get one of those when you get a spankin'? No wonder your parents couldn't teach ya any manners."

Spy groaned and let his head fall back onto the floor. Why him?

"Just let me go. It has been long enough, your teammates must be asleep by now."

It wasn't actually that late yet, and it was in both men's best interests that the rest of the RED Team didn't find the BLU in their base. But at this point, Spy was willing to take the risk if it meant getting out of there any sooner.

The Engineer didn't reply. He was staring at the Frenchman's crotch again, and seemed to be considering something. It was kind of unsettling, how fast he had gone from freaked out to uncomfortable to… calculating? He was giving Spy the same look he had been giving the disguise kit.

"It's still too early, Spah. There's no hurry."

"No hurry?! I'm laying naked on the floor, tied up and with a hard on!"

"The floor problem at least is easily solvable, ain't it?"

The American hesitated for just a moment, then moved back towards the other man and gently lifted him up and laid him on the bed. He even adjusted the pillow and tried to give Spy a reassuring smile. Spy wasn't reassured in the slightest.

"…Laborer. What do you have in mind?"

"Aww, don't ya look so gloomy. I have a proposition, that's all."

It couldn't be. The Engineer was straight. He was definitely heterosexual. Wasn't he?

"What kind of proposition?"

"Well, Spah, y'all are a smart boy, worldly too. Sure you know how it is with inventions. You gotta test them. Find lotsa people to test them. You can't just invent something and be done with it."

"So?"

"So, I invented a little something to get comfortable with on long cold nights. Y'know how it is, men have needs, it gets lonely… I already personally tested it, it works like a charm!"

Realization dawned on the agent, at once so ridiculous and yet so, so predictable.

"You invented a_ sex machine?"_

"'Course I did. Lack of lady companionship was a practical problem, and I solve practical problems."

"You. _You fucked a machine_."

"Son, you really don't need to use that tone. It was simply the most practical solution to the problem."

"You fucked a machine._ Of course _you did." The Laborer wouldn't even deign to look at him when he was practically naked, would fucking _spank him_ with no sexual response whatsoever, would turn Spy's own excitement into a solitary scientific procedure. But he fucked a machine!

"Spah…"

"_You disgust me."_

"Oh, for Pete's sake! I'm offerin' you the chance to try out a ground-breakin' invention, a state-of-the-art engineerin' jewel, and that makes ya mad!?"

"Unlike some, monsieur, I have good taste. You can ask your teammates for a little metal orgy."

"I was going to. It's my newest invention, I haven't had the time to ask for testers yet. But since you are in obvious need of relief here and now, I thought we could help each other out."

"I refuse."

"Don't be so stubborn. What's so wrong with machines? Y'all use machines all the time. To do your job, to move around, to relax. They make life easier, better. I'm telling ya, Clarice feels better than any woman!"

"…_Clarice?"_

"Just give her a try. What have ya got to lose? I guarantee you won't regret it!"

"I won't regret it because I won't do it."

"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, never again will you have the chance to experience the heavenly care of the great invention of an engineer with eleven hard science PhDs. I poured all of my abilities into makin' her, and it shows! She is perfect. And you say you wanna miss out? Why?"

"I can have any woman I want. Real women."

"Sure ya can. But aren't ya curious to try out somethin' different? Somethin' unique and extraordinary? Are you really not curious at all?"

The Frenchman fell silent. Truth be told, he had always been very curious. It was no coincidence that he had become a spy. And he especially loved experimenting with sex. If the Engineer had been his teammate, proposing him to try out a new elaborate sex toy, Spy would have agreed immediately. Hell, if the enemy Engineer hadn't irritated him, Spy would have agreed immediately. He was only refusing out of pride.

The Texan took Spy's silence as an encouraging sign, and gingerly reached out to stroke his naked hip gently. The little gasp in response was even more encouraging, and after a few more strokes he moved his hand towards the man's still erect shaft and started rubbing it.

"S-stop!" Spy half demanded, half moaned. It felt good, so good, but he still had his pride. A small part of him was disappointed when the Engineer complied and stepped backwards, but mostly he was glad to still have some kind of control.

"Didn't mean to upset ya. Just sayin', you liked that. It could feel so much better. It's a brand-new invention, something the world has never seen. Are you _really_ not curious at all?"

"…"

"I dunno why y'all are so cross. I saved your life, remember? And now I'm offering ya my creation. Come on, pardner, just say yes."

It would be wrong to say that the Engineer was giving Spy puppy dog eyes. They were all trained killers, ruthless battle-hardened mercenaries! And the Engineer in particular was a twisted son of a bitch!

It was therefore correct to say that the Engineer was giving Spy puppy son of a bitch eyes.

"...Very well. I consent. Bring it on, Laborer."

"Yippee ki yaa he yay kyaaah kayo!"

As the Engineer danced, Spy wondered what was in store for him. But for the first time that evening, he was looking forward to it.


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe you are _still_ not going to untie me!"

The Engineer had the decency to look apologetic. "I untied your ankles…"

Spy glared at the ropes on his wrists. He knew the Laborer was right in refusing to set him completely free. It would take a truly unfathomable kind of stupid to release an enemy combatant in your base when your team is asleep and death is permanent. But his body was tired and sore, and he couldn't wait to stretch properly.

"Now, Spah, it looks to me like you're a little tired and sore. Clarice does her best work when her target's feelin' nice and relaxed. I'd take a hot shower right before activatin' her-"

"You are _not_ going to throw water at me again!"

"No, no, no, that's not what I-"

"Mon Dieu, please tell me you are not thinking of giving me a sponge bath!"

"Will you just let me finish?" The Engineer huffed irritably, "I'm not gonna use any water at all. I had to when I was testin' her by myself, but this time there's two of us, so I can use something much better."

Grinning widely, the Texan produced a bottle from a drawer and held it out so that Spy could read the label. ROSE SCENTED MASSAGE OIL – NOW EVEN ROSIER!

He swirled a finger in the air. "Turn around. We'll start with your back."

Spy raised an eyebrow, but complied quietly. He had come too far to let himself feel unsettled about presenting his unguarded back to the enemy. He forced himself to stay calm and didn't even flinch when his briefs, still on his knees, and his socks were pulled off, leaving him completely nude. The Engineer put a soft leather glove on his Gunslinger, then coated both hands with a generous dollop of oil.

Strong hands worked at stiff muscles, digging in painfully at first. They kneaded over tight knots until they gave and loosened, leaving dizzying warmth in their wake as pain melted into pleasure. The Frenchman let out a breathy moan while those hands slowly moved down, rubbing his neck, his shoulders, following the path of his spine down to the small of his back. He expected them to stop there, but the Engineer clearly took his experiments seriously; Spy bit his lip to stifle further moans while his ass got thoroughly massaged. It wouldn't do to sound too eager. The roaming pleasure coursed down his thighs, then his calves, finally pooling with warm pulsing at his feet.

A thick accent buzzed in the Spy's tingling ear. "Your front now."

The agent was feeling so wonderfully relaxed, it took him several seconds to summon the will to move. He was starting to think that his host had a PhD in Massage Therapy, and wondering what other interesting talents were concealed under that good ol' country boy façade.

Once he was supine, those talented hands were back on his body, rubbing circles on his chest and stomach. Spy's pulse quickened as the massage turned into something much more sensual. No longer simply easing stiff muscles, they now stroked and caressed. He gasped out loud when they pinched his nipples, and barely managed to hold back an undignified whine when they gave his shaft a few firm tugs. No amount of self control could stop him from trembling in ecstasy when the Texan finally threw all modesty to the wind and gently pushed a lubricated finger inside of him, then another, carefully stretching him.

"Now, this here's a job well done," the Engineer smirked. "Much more effective than a hot shower! Body temperature's a mite lower, but high enough, and hormone release's intensified. I shoulda built a massage machine before I tested Clarice on myself, the results're sure to improve. Humm… Sister machines, one after the other. Robot threesome? Can't believe I didn't think of it before. Oh well, live an' learn! That's what' testin's for, right, Spah?"

"_Ghrgh."_

"I'll take that as a yes." He chuckled and gave Spy two playful swats on his bottom. "Come on, pardner! The _real_ test's comin' up!"

With that, the American took off his glove and went to fetch his beloved invention. Spy recovered quickly and mentally berated himself for giving in so easily. It was just a bit of _foreplay!_ How could it affect him so intensely? He had underestimated the Laborer. That crafty little man was even more dangerous off the battlefield.

The Frenchman was wary as that diabolical genius pushed a sheet-covered cart towards the bed. The sheet was pulled in one fluid motion, revealing the mechanical wonder underneath.

"**TAH-DAH!"**

Spy's jaw dropped. Words escaped him.

"Well? Ain't ya going to say anything?"

"...Why does Clarice have a penis?"

The Engineer looked at Spy as if he had said something extraordinarily stupid, deeply offensive and profoundly disappointing. Luckily, working with Soldier and Scout had made the agent develop immunity-by-proxy against that particular type of stare.

"Spah, that's her _finger."_

The agent took another good, long look at that glorified orgasm dispenser. Clarice wasn't even vaguely shaped like a woman, she looked more like the unholy spawn of a Dispenser and a Medigun. And if that rigid rubber rod sprouting from the middle was a finger, then he was Saxton Hale. Still, he diplomatically decided to drop the argument.

"My apologies. Shall we proceed?"

That put the Laborer right back in a cheery mood.

"Giddy up!"

Preparations were more or less what Spy expected. The small clamps were placed on his nipples; the hose was shoved over his cock and kept in place by a strap around his hips; and the "finger," which turned out to be the extremity of an expandable staff, was lubricated and positioned right in front of his asshole.

Then the machine was tuned on. The sensation that overtook him was not what he had expected.

The clamps gave him a shock, sending electricity through his nipples and his whole body. It wasn't strong enough to hurt him, but it was a demanding feeling that left no room for distractions. His muscles spasmed, then throbbed and tingled as the current subsided, only for the jolts to start again.

The inside of the hose, coated with spongy material, grew hot and thick as heated lubricant was released; Spy's cock was completely engulfed by tight moist warmth, a comforting and irresistible contrast to the shocks that made him arch and thrust into it.

The rubber rod had started rotating and slowly moving forward, its tip prodding and pushing its way inside until it was fully sheathed, then pulled back a fraction before entering again. In and out, in and out, gradually increasing its pace until the man was getting fucked in earnest.

It felt _so good._ Much, much better than he could have ever imagined. The sensations were overwhelming, waves of pleasure washing all over his body and driving him crazy with bliss.

And yet… _it wasn't enough. _Spy desperately needed something that a machine just couldn't give him. Half-mad with want, he forgot his pride and looked at the Engineer with pleading eyes, his face a picture of passion and desire.

"_P-please! I need… Give it to me! __**S'il vous plait!"**_

The Engineer looked taken aback. He had been in complete control, but Spy's pleas were stirring a part of him he hadn't even known existed. He didn't quite know how to deal with that. He hesitated, unsure and maybe a little intimidated, until his curious mind and his growing lust kicked him back into gear.

He quickly unbuckled his belt, threw the straps of his overalls over his shoulders and to the wind, and freed his rapidly hardening cock. He was more than ready to offer it to his frantic captive, who immediately took it in his mouth and started sucking with enthusiasm. Spy's brain went alight with fire. Now, with flesh in him, he was finally able to truly surrender to euphoria as the human element superimposed over lifeless metal.

It wasn't the first time the Engineer had got a blowjob, but the difference between his previous encounters and now was so great that it might as well have been. He had never experienced such unrelenting eagerness and impressive skill, and he soon found himself returning the fervor. One hand held a cheek firmly while the other slipped beneath fabric and stroked soft hair, at once caring and possessive. Spy couldn't bring himself to object, and kept licking, sucking and kissing the hot prize he had been granted.

Both men let lust overtake them completely, guiding them through a heavenly burn to the most glorious incandescence.

The energy shared between them burned out. They indulged in post-orgasmic tranquillity for some time, quiet and content. After a while, the Engineer took a cigarette out of the disguise kit, lit it and offered it to Spy, who accepted it gratefully. While the Frenchman smoked, the Engineer made himself decent again. Ever the genteel Southerner, he fetched a towel and an extra pair of overalls. Spy accepted those too; no matter how tragically hideous the outfit was, he just couldn't bring himself to spoil the moment.

They walked back to the entrance of the base. Once there, the Texan untied Spy's wrists and gave him back his gadgets.

"Well, here we are." The Engineer clapped a hand on Spy's shoulder. "Thanks for the help, pardner. That was… ah, food for thought."

"Non, I should be thanking you for saving my life. And for an acceptably decent fuck."

"_Acceptably decent!?_ What are you-"

The Texan was about to unleash one heck of a tirade, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Spy smirk, eyes full of mirth.

"Y'all just can't help bein' a scoundrel, can ya? Naughty boy."

"I didn't hear you complain before," Spy winked, then disappeared in thin air. The Engineer waited for the sound of laughter to grow fainter in the distance, then closed the door.

"Darn Spies," he bemoaned, a happy grin on his face. He headed back to his room, savoring recent memories and whistling a cheerful tune.


End file.
